Random Thoughts

I've kind of gone back and forth as to whether I wanted to talk about my "whole" trip to China and finally decided that even if it's just more for me to finally put this whole thing to bed or if people actually find it interesting to read, I'm going to put it out there. If you find what I have to say "uncomfortable" or "enlightening" please remember it's my experiences/feelings. Right or wrong.

Before I left on this trip I think I "knew" it wasn't going to be good. Call it premonition, call it God's forewarning, call it whatever you want.....I had a sick feeling it wasn't going to be good. Now, don't think that Desi is a part of that feeling. We all KNOW she is meant to be in this family. This post is more about the trip.

I was NOT comfortable traveling alone. I wasn't. If there had been any way to keep from it, we would have done it. I wanted/needed my husband there with me but unfortunately it just wasn't meant to be.

China is a HARD place to travel alone. Not only is there the language barrier but let's face it....they DO NOT do things the way we do:-( I mean seriously, they drop their kids pants on the sidewalk and let them go. You are definitely NOT in Kansas anymore Dorothy, when you step off that plane in Beijing or Shanghai or wherever you happen to land.

So, let's talk about my time in Lanzhou. It STUNK!!!! (I could say MUCH worse but I'm trying to keep it as clean as possible here.) I feel comfortable saying that I absolutely HATED this place. Hardly anyone spoke English, the food was disgusting, the pollution/smoking was worse than Changsha (I didn't think that was possible), the bottled water tasted as nasty as the city smelled AND the hotel I was staying at couldn't have been in a worse part of town. I was told when I checked-in that I needed to take ALL of my valuables with me EVERY time I left the room AND I needed to be in my room with the doors LOCKED before dark every night. That's comforting, huh:-( Soooo, each morning I got up, loaded up paperwork, cameras, laptop, etc. into my shoulder bag and carried it EVERYWHERE:-( It seriously probably weighed 30 lbs or more.

Getting breakfast in the morning was like going to battle. The lady cooking the eggs acted like I was asking for a million dollars each morning as I used sign language to tell her we wanted two scrambled eggs. The only other recognizeable food in the place were the oranges, bananas and banana bread. That's pretty much what Desi and I lived on for 5 days. ONE day they had undercooked bacon and fried potatoes. I loaded up our plate that day!!!! There was a conference going on and so I had to try to maneuver Desi's stroller and my 30 lb shoulder bag through hundreds of people in this tiny little room. Instead of being considerate and moving out of the way, Desi was almost dragged out of her stroller many mornings because these business men walked all over us. They had no compassion for this pathetic white woman with a special needs child trying to get food. NO, they did everything in their power to make things difficult for us:-( It is an absolute miracle that Desi and I managed to get any kind of food at all in the mornings:-( The last morning we were there some kid who spoke very, very limited English asked me if he could help me get my food. I said no thank you, because by this time I had become a pro at driving a stroller with one hand while filling a plate with the other.

The guides....this might get nasty so be prepared. Let's forget the whole "Oh, I thought 12:30 a.m. meant you were landing right after noon" excuse I was given for leaving me in a Chinese airport from midnight until almost 2 in the morning by myself in the dark with a night watchman who could have killed me, raped me, disposed of my body with no one knowing EPISODE!!!!! Yes, I am STILL mad about this. It does give me some satisfaction in knowing these people have been fired, but I am still working on forgiving them and forgetting this nightmare!!!!! Please don't judge me, it's only been a few weeks:-(

Anyway, Melody was my guide. She's around 25 years old and told me she was looking for a husband because she wanted a baby SOOOO bad. Well, I guess she decided for the week of November 27-December 2 she was going to let MY child be her fill-in for the week. EVERY single time I walked out of my room she either picked up Desi, took her stroller from me, or grabbed her hand (out of mine) and took off with her. I asked her time after time after time to please call her by her American name and STOP speaking Chinese to her only to fall onto deaf ears as she refused. She would have 20 minute conversations with MY child and when I asked her what she said to her......all I got was "we're just talking". She also continually told Desi that SHE was her big sister:-( I don't think I have ever wanted to choke someone as badly as I wanted to choke this young woman. I believe SHE is the reason mine and Desi's attachment/bonding is suffering right now. Melody single-handedly turned MY child against me while in Lanzhou and she still looks at me today as her maid/cook instead of her mom. Granted, things are SLOWLY getting better, but they are nowhere near where they should be. Thanks Melody:-(

I think I'll stop here for now. I need to consider exactly HOW much I want to share. I'll let you digest all of this and then write more later.

Mary