That kind of sums up the world of adoption!
We are now on day 27 of our wait for our LOA, LSC or whatever they're calling it today. Unfortunately the "average" wait time keeps increasing. Some folks "in the know" think it's because of the HUGE Communist Party celebration thats been going on in China for a while now. Apparently it has taken people away from their jobs to help prepare for this. I am hoping now that the celebration is over (last Friday), things will start to speed up again. If the current time holds true then we are only half way there today:-( That is not the news I want to hear!!! If you've been reading for very long then you know how impatient I am. I just want to hold my daughter in my arms (sniff, sniff).
Recently I've been reading a lot of information about people being blind-sided because their adoption wasn't the wonderful, amazing, feel-good experience they were expecting. Really? I mean come on people!!! Adoption is tough. YES, there are adoptions that are wonderful from the very beginning and they stay that way until teenage years;-) Then there are those that are NOT!!! If an agency is worth anything, they have prepared their families for children that are going to be scared to death. Their reaction to their new parents and being torn away from everything they've come to know can be as different as night and day.
I've heard of children who shut down completely. They quit eating and sit silently for days. Then there are those that scream and cry and fight ferociously for days....even trying to escape the hotel rooms. Those are the extremes but there is everything in between too. I am expecting Desi at 4 years old (she'll either be 4 or very close) to probably scream and cry for the first few days and may even shut down for a while. It's part of it. There's no sugar coating it. They are going to grieve their loss:-( At the time they will not be able to "see" that what is happening is good for them. How could they? It's our job as adoptive parents to be prepared. Reading everything we can get our hands on about bonding and attaching. I know not every parent can be prepared for every situation, but we have to be prepared for as much as we can. It's the only way to help our children. While we have been thinking and waiting for them for months, many of them only learn of their new family days and sometimes hours before they are handed over to their forever family. Would all adoptive parents like this changed? ABSOLUTELY!!! We all wish the orphanages were required to have a preparation plan in place to show the children their families and talk about adoption. Prepare them for a family!!! Unfortunately this just doesn't happen and so as adoptive parents, we have to prepare. We can't take it personally when they push us away or cry or hit us. It's their coping mechanism. Thankfully after a few days, we all know most of these behaviors will disappear and we will see the "real" child. The one hiding underneath the pain and the fear. Parents that are blind-sided have no one to blame but themselves:-(
Man, I hope I haven't scared anyone away from adopting. It truly is one of life's greatest blessings. If you're willing answer God's call, He won't let you down. It might be tough in the beginning, but ultimately things turn out awesome!!!
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